


Metronome of a Night Queen's Heart and Other Unused Romance Novel Names

by Kealpos



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe, F/F, Gen, Humanstuck, M/M, Miscommunication, Past Child Abuse, Vampires, kind of. 3/4 of the cast is human and kanaya used to b human so
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-28
Updated: 2018-09-28
Packaged: 2019-07-18 13:35:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16119539
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kealpos/pseuds/Kealpos
Summary: You feel as if this is oddly reminiscent to the movie and TV show, "My Babysitter’s a Vampire” and you don’t like it one bit.Kanaya's a vampire and Dave's an idiot who volunteered to be her human blood bag: A story about why you don't keep a secret from your girlfriend, especially if she'd really be into said secret. A story about why you don't let your sister's vampire girlfriend drain you dry. A story about how you shouldn't lose 15% of your blood every six weeks.





	Metronome of a Night Queen's Heart and Other Unused Romance Novel Names

“Haha, that movie was dumber than me after round three on turkey day trying to add up all the savings I’m getting at Michael's while trying to get you the biggest fucking knitting needles on the planet,” You say while blinking awake. You barely paid attention, but you know you aren’t full of shit considering what the movie was.

“Oh, you didn’t think the seventy-five-centimeter ones you got me last year sufficed?” Rose asks, carefully taking the DVD out of the player. On the front read the title for the newest Sharknado movie.

“Of course not. I have to find ones at least a hundred or its not worth it. Or what if I just got you that huge ass yarn to knit with your arms that Instagram slash YouTube beauty gurus do when they run out of ways to use Fenty Beauty Mascara number twelve again?”

“I think you’ve hit the jackpot with that estimate, Dave. I’ll sleep under the tree in anticipation of shitty Santa with the biggest, bitching-est ball of yarn the world has ever seen, undoubtedly the sickest shade of red to grace my home. I will be so stunned and thrilled by this gift I will have no choice but to channel that passion into thanking Santa, Michael Jackson style.” She raises an eyebrow at you, daring you to continue. Perhaps pull a Lalonde and deduce that she is using good ol’ St. Nick to finally, finally see some old, bearded (presumably) wizard action.

You’re kind of tired from the several hours you just spent here. You watched all the preceding Sharknados before watching the newest. You drop it.

“I’m thinking about heading home. It’s what, eight-thirty? Way past my bedtime, Lalonde.” You look at the kitchen’s digital clock. It’s almost 3 A.M.

“I agree,” she agrees, agreeing agreeably. “My mother would be scandalized if she knew me and my twin brother were burrowing away in my bed, stretching on a limb that forces us to teeter dangerously close to Netflix and Chill.”

“Oh shit, the incest thing would be the least of her concerns. If we snuck into her house and you left dastardly black lipstick smudges all along my neck and trailing down to my groin, she wouldn’t even bat an eye. Just ask us if we need any lingerie or changes in lipstick color. Maybe a condom, but I don’t doubt she wouldn’t want an incest grand-kiddie to experiment on.” You’re talking bullshit, but she’s nodding. This is the bullshit you’ve picked up from her rather than the other way around. In this imaginary setting, the only thing Mom Lalonde would be concerned about is the pick of movie to sex it up to.

You’ve met the choice woman only a handful of times in your life, but with the stories Rose tells, it’s unfunny on how quick you can guess the accuracy of them due to these meetings. She was always sloshed out of her mind. She plated a vacuum cleaner Rose got her with gold. She built a tomb for a cat. She bought Rose a pony every year since she turned twelve until Rose threatened to make them all into glue. She then bought Rose crates upon crates of glue in lieu of horses for her birthdays. Rose always manages to find the receipts and exchanges most of them for other school supplies. Many Elementary schools in your area know her by first name due to her generous donations.

Once, Rose told you about the time she asked if her mother could make her a sandwich. Several days later, a turkey and cheese sandwich with lettuce appeared in front of her door, including a list of the various fancy places she got the ingredients from. In thanks, Rose ate about half of it and then used the rest to clog up one of the toilets. She proceeded to clog up all the toilets and left a fancy apology note at every one, claiming the sandwich was just too agreeable. The carpet outside every bathroom got soaked and she wasn’t able to go to the bathroom in the house for a week. When the toilets were all repaired, she found toilet plungers with jewel-encrusted handles in every room. You think they’re both crazy.

You stand and stretch out, your back cracking. Karkat, your roommate, is probably back at the apartment. Hopefully, he’s asleep, but likely not. You’ve recently been crossing the line between bros and domestic lately, and you’re really trying to get on the right side of that boat. Hypermasculinity or some shit. You don’t let Rose psychoanalyze you all that often, though she tries her darndest to trick you into it.

"Aight, I’m heading out. Is the party Friday?” It’s not really a party; just a get together with friends at her big house. You’ll eat shitty food, drink alcohol, plays Cards Against Humanity, and probably all end up half asleep on the couch watching Simpsons reruns.

“Yeah. Remind Karkat to bring back Kanaya’s Tupperware he accidentally took home last time,” she asks, arranging throw pillows on the couch to look nice.

“I ain’t telling him jack.” You’ll remind him. Kanaya is your sister’s girlfriend. Goth, pale, and oh so formal. You think the universe took one look at one of her wet dreams, shrugged, and went “Alright. Where making this hapen.”

“Thanks, Dave. See you,” she says, waving lazily behind her. She’s still paying attention to the pillows.

“Bye,” you call back. You open the door and step out, thankful you live in Texas for what may be the first time in your life. At least like this, you aren’t freezing your tits off.

It’s dark, but you have a phone flashlight, so it’s cool. You have to flip your sunglasses to the top of your head though. The only people out at this time of night are hookers that didn’t get a guy, druggies, and guys like you, so you think you’re safe from any baddies. You walked there, so you have to walk back. If you were any more tired, you would’ve bitched at Rose for not offering to drive you home. But you’re not, so you’re left to yourself during your ten-minute walk back.

While walking the street, you hear a noise up ahead, near one of the closed Starbucks. You think you see something faintly glowing near that area. You don’t think anything of it. It’s probably one of those aforementioned druggies injecting black Mexican tar into their system or something, using a flashlight so they can fuck their body up in the correct way.

As you get closer, the sounds get grosser. The noises sound less and less like a druggie, and more like someone is attempting to drink all the juice out of a pomegranate without breathing once.

You get close enough to tell that it’s an alleyway, sectioned between Starbucks and a Tex-Mex place. You’re curious now, though you know you’re probably gonna die one day because you were just too curious.

You look into the alley, and you see a figure, glowing bright white. It’s wearing black pants and a long-sleeve black shirt, probably to try and stifle the glow. There’s a huge ass rat in their hands. The rat is dead. Their face is stuck against the rat’s stomach. Your eyes widen. They pull away from the rat, and you see bleeding puncture wounds in its little rat tummy. There’s blood dripping down from the figure’s mouth. You make a strangled noise of fear, and the figure looks at you. You gasp when you recognize the figure.

The vampire that just straight up ate rat blood is your sister’s weird girlfriend, Kanaya Maryam. Oh, hell.

You flash step away and start booking it, your phone flashlight shaking in your hand. This is so messed up. You hear a noise behind you and look back. Kanaya is running after you, and she’s going faster than you’ve ever seen here run.

She tackles you and pulls you through a window of a McDonald’s. The glass shatters around you, but she breaks your fall and doesn’t force you to rip your face open by landing on the shards. Shit shit shit.

You scramble to your feet first and grab the biggest, most jagging piece of glass you can immediately see off the floor, and hold it out in front of you to her face when she stands up.

“What the fuck!?” You shout, your voice shaking. She’s wiped the blood away, thankfully. You have a “thing” about seeing blood.

“Please do not shout. I’d prefer if you didn’t call attention to our whereabouts,” she says, moving backward, away from the glass. She holds her hands up defensively.

“I’ll shout whatever I want!” You shout. She’s trying to get you to hide with her. So she can eat you. You’re onto her ploy.

“I’m not going to eat you, Dave.” Drat. She’s onto your ploy that you’re onto her ploy. “Please, just let me explain. You’re getting hysterical.” She looks nervous. You’re nervous too. You still hold the glass up.

“I’m not hysterical!” You’re hysterical. “Fine! Explain, please!”

She chews on her lip. There’s a vampire fang. How did you never notice that? She’s still glowing. It kind of hurts your eyes.

“So, about two years ago,” she starts, wringing her hands, “I was walking home after a coffee date with Rose.” She’s not looking at you. “About halfway back, a car stopped next to me, and before I could react, I got abducted.”

Your mind flashes back to two years ago. After three days of going off the grid, Kanaya showed up at the tri-weekly hang out with a sudden hankering for the tenderest of steaks. She didn’t talk much, but she did seem to stare longingly at Rose more. It was normal. You brushed it off.

Kanaya continues to talk. “For a few days, my blood was drawn several times. I passed out more than once. On the third day, one of the women who had helped abduct me bit me on the neck. Rather than killing me or abandoning me, they decided to transform me into.. one of them. So they wouldn’t accidentally pick me up again? I’m unsure of their reasoning. I think you know of what they changed me into.”

“A vampire?” You ask anyways. She nods her head.

“So, since that time, I’ve been feasting on animals and raw meat. It’s not a very good setup, but it makes sure I don’t go hungry.” She looks uncomfortable. She just admitted to eating raw meat and animals.

“What kind of animals?”

“Pests, mostly. Like that rat. An occasional cat.” She sounds guilty. “But! I think it’s better to lose a cat or two than to lose humans, right?” You nod at her distantly.

“This is so fucked up,” you say, mostly to yourself.

“I agree,” she responds. This is the worst something you’ve ever agreed on with someone since your Bro died.

“I think I’m going to be sick,” you say. You turn around and puke out of the broken window.

You feel as if this is oddly reminiscent to the movie and TV show, "My Babysitter’s a Vampire” and you don’t like it one bit.

“Are you okay?” she asks when you finish puking.

“No, I don't think so. God. Okay, okay, I'm calming down. I think.”

“Good. I'd prefer no more attention drawn to this place,” she says nervously, and eyes dart to the security camera. Fuck.

“Aw, hell. Does your vampire photo and video invisibility only work on you?” You try to figure out in your head the amount of money you'll have to pay to fix the glass.

“In the tales, vampires cannot see in mirrors or be captured on film because they have no soul. I still have a soul. I can break it. I just wish good luck to whoever opens.”

“Same here,” you say, relieved. “Okay, I seriously have to get home. We'll need to talk later.”

“Yes, we will.” She breaks into the security room and deletes the tapes, destroys the computer, and rips every security cam out of the walls. Vampire hoodoo gave her strength. When the things are shattered to smithereens, she looks down at her hands for a moment before looking at you maniacally. “This sounds terribly odd, but do you mind if I get a bite of you?”

You blanch. “What?”

“Listen,” she says, sounding tired, “human food doesn't replenish my energy as much as it would if I wasn't a vampire, and I have been feasting on nothing but animals carcasses and raw meat. I have never even tried to drink a human, even Rose. I'm exhausted all the time. This is a horrible request, and I'll respect your no, but.. Dave, may I please drink just a little of your blood?”

“Uh. Won't that turn me into a vampire too? Or kill me?”

“Only if I use the poison glands in my teeth to infect or kill you. And I don't want to, at all.”

You hesitate. You swallow. You close your eyes. You love her like she’s your sister. You know she won’t do anything to you, even just to make sure Rose doesn’t break up with her for turning you into a vampire or a corpse.

“Just get it over with,” you force out, and you can feel her smiling.

She clicks over, grabs your head with two hands, and slowly bends it until your neck is exposed. You hold a breath in and in one quick sweep, she bites.

It actually doesn’t hurt too much. You've had your blood drawn before, and it's kind of like that. It goes on for several minutes, and then she's pulling away and there's blood dripping down her mouth. You don't feel blood trickling down your neck, but you really don't want to know if that's good or bad.

You didn't realize how much she had dimmed until you looked at her again. From the evidence, it seems that she glows after eating. She's bright as hell.

You rub the puncture marks and stare at the blood dripping down from her mouth. Gross. That's her food just dribbling out of her mouth like drool.

“Can I go now?” You ask weakly. Rather than answering, she gets you to piggyback her and she takes you home. Karkat is in his room with the lights on but doesn't call out, so you're both good. She puts you on your bed and shows herself out. You practically pass out the moment your head hits the pillow.

The morning comes too soon, and with it, an ache in your neck. You vaguely remember last night, but it gets a little fuzzy when you try to remember leaving Rose’s. Whatever. You'll remember it later.

You stalk out into the kitchen with your shades on and grab a cup of coffee Karkat set out for you. He's at the dining table drinking his own and eating a muffin. Probably while scrolling Reddit. Loser.

He looks up and seems uncaring, but he smiles when he sees you so you know that’s not the truth.

“Morning, sleeping beauty,” he grunts out. His voice is gravelly yet it works for him, and you've grown to love it. “Made sure to put the horrendous amount of sugar and cream you like in.”

“Listen, man,” you say, picking up your cup and taking a whiff, “I drink coffee for the energy. Not the taste. We all can't have a soul made of black coffee you have to feed every morning like you do.” Feed.. Your neck aches.

“It's about the challenge,” he says, baring his obnoxiously sharp teeth. Sharp teeth.. Your neck aches more.

You take a sip of coffee. “Okay, you fuckin’ rat.” Rat.. Your neck aches like a bitch.

“Alright, well, I've gotta get to work.” He works at a Middle school as the History teacher. It's August and school hadn't started yet, but it's going to in a week, so he needs to make sure everything's ready. His work is how you and your friend group met Kanaya. She's the French teacher there.

Suddenly it all clicks in place. You remember that Kanaya is a vampire and she totally ate you last night. Your hand flies to your neck instinctively. Karkat, who is clearing the table, does not notice.

“Got it. Have a good day at work, Karkat.” Your hand lowers as he steps near you, a mug in his hand. You're slightly taller than him, so he has to look up at you. His arms seem to widen slightly like he's about to hug you, but he doesn't, and you can feel the unsaid questions.

You and he have liked each other for years. You're pretty sure he likes you, at least. You guys met in college when he was studying history and looking to get his teaching degree. You were studying film directing. He thought you were a pretentious tool and you thought he wasn't fit to be around children. You've been living with him for almost four years.

He's had two different girlfriends and a boyfriend in the time you've lived with him, but you haven't dated anyone for more than a week at any given time for years. You had to go through a ton of therapy before even considering that you were deserving of love after Bro.

Neither of you have made the leap of faith yet, but you're getting increasingly domestic. You can feel the ghost of a goodbye kiss he could've given you when he leaves.

When the house has been silent for several minutes, you go and look in the mirror. The puncture wounds have basically cleared up. Like a shot. Impressive.

You go fetch your phone from your room. You remember to send Karkat a text telling him to bring Kanaya's Tupperware to the party on Friday. He tells you to shut up because he left like five minutes ago. There's a missed call from Kanaya at eight-thirty am. You redial.

She picks up on the fourth ring. “I called you earlier,” she says in her snooty accent.

“Yeah, I passed out for a couple hours cause you drained me.” You here her since over the phone.

“Yes. Sorry. I'm used to draining all the blood out of my food so I got a little overzealous.”

“Wait, what?” You ask. “Wh- Kanaya, I was joking! You actually drained me?” You yell over the phone. You hear her wince again.

“I’m truly sorry!” She replies, and you just sigh.

“Can you estimate how much blood I lost to your carnivorous fangs, oh lady of the night?”

“Maybe twenty-five percent of your blood. I did not mean to take that much. If that ever happens again, I suppose only ten to fifteen percent is necessary for me to get by for several weeks.” You look up a graph on how much blood you can lose before dying. Okay, you’re in the clear. Maybe better considering that you weren’t just bleeding out aimlessly, and you were literally being suck dry from a spot that clotted up almost immediately.

“That’s.. Fine. I guess. Do you plan to drink me more or something?”

“Only if you consent. Safe words and all that. Me and Rose practice it in the bedroom when I pretend to not be a vampire while pretending to be a vampire.”

“Oh my god, shut up, I know you’re full of shit.”

“Do you?” You can practically hear her wiggling her eyebrows. You choose not to chase that particular rabbit like you’re British and accidentally ate four pot brownies with your fucking peppermint tea.

“Speaking of Rose; pretending to not be a vampire? Have you not told her?”

“No, never.” She sounds appalled you even brought it up.

“Why? She’s like, totally into that.”

“In theory, sure. But in practice?” She sighs sadly. “I love her, Dave, and I don’t want to lose her just because I can’t last more than a month without drinking blood. I’m just glad I’m apparently not immortal, according to the abductors. So, if we do end up getting married, then I’ll live as long as her.”

You fuss with your hair when nervous. Rose taps the tips of her fingers with her thumb. Karkat picks imaginary dirt from under his nails. Bro punched walls. Mom drank. Kanaya has a diamond ring on one of her fingers that she spins around. You can almost see her twirling it over and over again.

“Fine. I’ll keep your secret because I’m a great brother-in-law and an even better friend,” you decide, leaning your forehead against the nearest wall. This is the biggest headache you’ve ever gotten, you think to yourself.

“Thank you, Dave,” she says from the other side of the phone, and you hang up. Good lord. What have you been roped into?

You spend the rest of the day lounging around, nursing your blood loss fatigue. You’re trying to get a job until you can find real work in your field, which is directing. Which means you have to direct a movie. Maybe you can do a vampire flick.

When Karkat gets home, he takes one look at your sorry ass before making you both TV dinner mac and cheese and watching dumb short films. You cuddle up to each other and you wonder, not for the last time, what you two are.

You and Kanaya go back to normal after a few days. She’s your sorta friend but she’s mostly your sister’s future wife. You’re her weird friend and her best friend’s almost boyfriend. Neither of you even bring up the vampire thing for two months. School starts and Karkat has to get up and leave earlier. You figure out the time of his alarm and set your own phone so you can get up with him. With bleary eyes, you pour out his coffee while he gets dressed. You make him his poppyseed muffins while he’s gone. You feel like you’ve heard this in a story somewhere. You feel like you’re missing something from the stories. You feel like that something is a morning kiss.

Finally, Kanaya hits you up. Much like a booty call that a frat boy would send out in attempts of getting a fuck, the majestic kanayis vampiris sends out a mating call. She bucks her head and bares her teeth, demanding respect. Her prey, the meek pastyboy redeyes bows in fear. She drains him of his blood and tosses him to the curb like a rich blonde white girl would throw a hot Starbucks coffee at her boyfriend while abusing him.

She calls you up. You meet outside of a Taco Bell at two am. She drinks about ten percent of your blood. You both act like nothing happened until you meet up again a month later. It becomes routine.

You two meet in various places. Mostly at night, but she meets two different times on the weekends. Your meetup places include Denny’s parking lot, the alley a couple of minutes from the abandoned Blockbuster, and the abandoned Blockbuster.

You’re more tired than usual and you keep sleeping through your “Karkat Alarms,” but it’s okay because Kanaya’s become perkier. Rose is happy that she seems healthier than ever. Karkat has more time to grade because you’ve been taking long naps in the middle of the day and staying asleep even when he comes home. It’s fine, you tell yourself.

Six weeks after your last bloodsucking meet-up, Kanaya turns up at your house at eleven-forty and makes you get up.

“I’m here for my lunch break,” she explains, and you think she’s making a joke, but you’ve been too tired and apathetic to make jokes for a while now.

“Let’s just get this over with,” you reply. She frowns for a minute but then powers through, grabbing your head and tilting you until optimal neck exposure with much less gentleness the first time she did it. It’s fine.

While Kanaya is draining you, you swear you hear something weird, but it’s gone in a flash, so you brush it off. It’s probably nothing.

Two days later, you figure out it wasn’t nothing.

You received one letter in the mail, and it’s addressed to you. Karkat’s been ignoring you for several days, so you’re kind of glad it’s not for him.

You come back into the apartment and open it in the kitchen. Inside the envelope is what looks like an invitation in swooping purple scrawl. The invitation says “You have been cordially invited to the wedding of David Strider and Kanaya Maryam.” On the back is a taped picture of you and Kanaya. It takes a second to register, but you realize it’s a photo of her eating you on Tuesday. You realize it kinda looks like a make-out thing.

You grab your phone and head out to the balcony, dialing Rose. She picks up almost immediately.

“Hello, David,” she says, her voice flat and dripping with malic. “To what do I owe the pleasure of this call?”

“Oh, save it, mega bitch,” you bite out, rolling your eyes. You’re pissed. You’re guilty. You need to explain. “What’s with the invite? Fucking funny. I see I was the last to know of the wedding. I would’ve rented a couple of goddamn doves to release at the end of the ceremony if I had known ahead of time.”

“Oh, darn. I should’ve taken that into account, huh, dear brother? My bad,” she replies. Fuck, why didn’t she just talk to you? You know why she didn’t talk to you. She grew up with Mom, and the only way she learned to settle conflict was with passive-aggressive gifts, biting remarks, and assumption she knew everything. It never actually settled the conflict, you think, it just let it go on so long that it became normal despite being fucked up. Kind of like the deal with Kanaya.

You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose. “I have an explanation, Rose.”

“Oh, yes. I have no idea how in hell you managed to get a. a lesbian who was b. dating your sister to c. fall for your pasty ass, so I’m just oh so curious.” She wants nothing more than for you to flounder.

“She’s not a cheater. We’re not making out in the photo. How did you even get that?”

“Karkat.”

“Aw, hell. So that’s why he’s been ignoring me.” You blink hard and rub your eyes, which seem too dry. You have to expose Kanaya’s secret to save Rose’s sibling relationship with you and her romantic relationship with Kanaya.

“Yes. He doesn’t think too highly of cheaters and their mistresses.” You whisper an apology to Kanaya.

“She’s not cheating! Listen, several months ago, I caught her guzzling the blood of a street rat. She’s a fucking vampire, and I’m her shitty feast. I’ve been letting her drink my blood every couple of weeks because I felt hella fucking sorry for her and it seemed like the consequences of that was making everyone happier. You, Kanaya, and Karkat, god. She didn’t know how you’d react if she told you she had the freakiest fangs this side of the track, okay!?”

You stop talking, and the other end is quiet. The silence is icy and you taste your foot in your mouth.

You hear a sniffle, and then she talks. “I hate both of you. This is the worst day of my life, and our father died on our birthday.” You can hear the disdain in her voice. Hurt is rippling in waves from her, even through the phone. She’s crying.

“Shit, no, Rose, wait-” you try to say. She barrels on.

“I survived Mom. I survived his death,” she says in a powerful voice, “and I will survive my twin brother and my girlfriend of three-and-a-half years getting into a torrid relationship and allowing her to cheat on me. Don’t call unless I contact you first. Goodbye, David.” She then hangs up.

Ohhh, shit.

You cry for a few minutes outside before coming in, your sunglasses shoved to the top of your head. With your eyes exposed, it’s obvious you’ve been crying.

When you enter, Karkat is in the kitchen, reheating spaghetti. He looks up at you for a fleeting second before refocusing on his food. You think your heart is breaking.

You stand there, still and silent, while the microwave cooks the pasta. When it’s done, he pops it out and began to walk to his room. He still doesn’t look at you. He pauses in front of your body, curling in on itself in shame.

“You talked to Rose.” He states, still refusing to face you. He’s acting like when you first met: cold, angry, and like he can’t trust anyone. He’s scowling. You nod silently. “Well,” he says, and you can hear it finish in your head, with a “Well, all cheaters get what they deserve.”

He doesn’t say that. He just says “Well,” pauses, and continues to his room.

The first decent relationship you’ve had since Bro died. Almost. You weren’t quite dating.

And now you never will.

You go throw up in your toilet before brushing your teeth and taking a long nap.

Hours later, you make the first move. You throw on a jacket you bought for trips to New York when Rose still lived there, just for the comfort. You’re also shivering. You’re not sure why you think this will help. You go to Kanaya’s and knock hard on the door. She’s there in less than a second. There are tear tracks staining her face, drippy mascara to help outline the marks. No doubt she’s talked to Rose.

“I’m an idiot,” she says, her voice wavering.

“We both are,” you reply. You’re so exhausted all the time now. You never want to see Kanaya again. You wish you could crush her in a hug. You instead fuss with your hair.

She lets you sleep on her couch for hours, even gives you an extra large melatonin pill she has when she would go to Rose’s and have to act like she doesn’t not need to sleep any more now that she has a twenty-four seven energy drink stream.

When you finally wake up, you both go to Rose’s unannounced. She looks at both of you before slamming the door in your face. You have a key she forgot about that you made sure before leaving the other day. You anticipated this.

You unlock the door and she’s hunched over at the dining table, all the lights turned low. She doesn’t look at you. She just says in a broken voice, “Go away.” Instead of leaving, you stand in front of her, and for the last time, Kanaya grabs your head with both hands, tilts it until it exposes your neck, and bites in deep. She doesn’t drink more than maybe a cup of blood; she knows you’re extending your limit just for this. She just needs to drain enough to prove it to Rose.

When Kanaya pulls away, she’s glowing. Her light makes the whole kitchen look bright and Rose looks terrified and surprised. Blood is dribbling down from Kanaya’s fangs. You stumble to the table and grab a chair with shaky hands. With normal blood drives, they give you three months to let your blood regulate. You and Kanaya don’t do that. It’s been about half a week since she last drained you, and you’re breathing heavily. At least Rose and Kanaya look happy.

You go pass out on Rose’s couch.

When you wake up, hours later, you see Karkat gazing at you from above, his eyes crazy with worry. You choke out an apology, and he hugs you tight.

The three help you sit up, and you lean back against the couch, staring at the ceiling. Someone took your shades off while you were asleep. Kanaya is making food while Karkat and Rose sit in a semicircle, burning holes into your chest with their gazes.

“Why did you let Kanaya drink your blood so much that you began sleeping twelve hours at a time?” Rose asks. You don’t say shit.

“Why did you let Kanaya continue this bloodsucking escapade against you, even when you knew it was affecting you badly?” Karkay asks. You refuse to talk.

They’re silent for a few moments while Rose taps her pen against her cheek. Karkat’s arms are crossed. Rose’s eyes light up. She’s found the Eureka question.

“Why were you being such a self-sacrificing idiot that you let my girlfriend drain you to the near point of death?” Rose asks, and you groan and look at them. Bingo, you suppose.

“I dunno. First, it was just a favor. Just me being a good bro. Then suddenly, it makes Kanaya seem healthier, which made you-” you point to Rose, “-happier. Then, when I got tired, I figured me sleeping through your-” you point at Karkat, “-welcome home gave you more time to grade or something. Then it just became routine and obligation and- I don’t know.” You sigh.

Rose and Karkat are silent.

“I always had to give all my energy to give Bro something back at that house. I guess I likened it to that. I was used to it as a kid, and I got used to it now,” you admit. “The stress and then the blood loss has fucked up my coping skills, I guess, because I don’t know what the shit to do, and I’m so tired all the time now. I’m sorry.”

Rose and Karkat are silent for a few moments. Then Karkat stands up and walks over to you. He sits next to you, wraps an arm around your waist, and you lean against his shoulder. He moves his head and kisses your forehead.

“Don’t feel sorry about that. It’s okay. It’s okay. You didn’t know what to do. It’s okay.”

You close your eyes. Rose reaches a hand out and you feel her rub circles against your knuckles with her thumb. Kanaya doesn’t come over and interrupt. It’s okay. It’s okay.

You sleep for a long time for a few weeks. You force Karkat to wake you up so he can tell you about his day. He brings you food as well. When he first woke you end, ready to hand you a calzone- god bless him -you pulled yourself up and kissed him thanks. It was only natural. You kiss him goodbye in the morning, you kiss him when he wakes you up, you kiss him when he makes dessert, and you kiss him goodbye when you both go to bed. You guys don’t share a bed just yet. Neither of you are ready for that.

Rose video chats you constantly. Slowly, she lets Kanaya join in. Apparently, coconut water can be used in emergency blood transfusions, so she drinks that a lot, even if you don’t know if that’s true. She’s gone back to eating animals and raw meat otherwise. Rose says she might consider having her blood drawn and allowing Kanaya to eat the blood bags occasionally. You just shrug when she asks your opinion.

On the seventh week, you and Kanaya meet up face-to-face for the first time since Rose’s house. She smiles at you, shakes your hand, and apologizes. You accept that apology. You give her a fancy napkin as a gift and tell her to “Never let blood drip down your mouth. It doesn’t make you look scary; it makes you look sloppy. That’s essentially your food.” She takes this advice graciously. The napkin has little bats on it.

You’ve gained back the ability to joke through the power of naps. Karkat looks at you funny when you say that to him after kissing him hello when he comes home from work.

**Author's Note:**

> don-lockwood.tumblr.com
> 
> haha this is actually my third hs fic. funny, my first one flopped back in '17 lol


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